...tired eyes...

I don't feel like I have much to say...

...my eyes are so tired that they sting ...

Jada is a ball of energy and Jonathan bought a motorcycle!!!

I really enjoy my life and my family...

My brother and uncle surprised me for mother's day, it was wonderful!

I really like this picture of my brother and Justus!

And Jada's face is priceless!

Disciplining at 2 year old heart...

I really don't know how to do this... :) Just like almost everything else about being a Mom that I've had to learn... like for instance, I keep saying that I am going to start potty training Jada but I just can't bring myself to do it...I don't fully know how but really I just don't want to start :)

There are some times when we use the "spoon" on Jada and it doesn't even seem to phase her. I don't think I've ever seen a child who enjoys putting herself in time out like Jada...so that doesn't even work sometimes. I want Jada to obey when I ask her to do something, but most of the time it doesn't happen UNLESS I threaten with the spoon...I am trying to learn to be patient and not get irritated when I have to repeat myself over and over-does she really not understand? Or just not listening?

She has started to ask the question "WHY?" which feels like a totally different ballgame! :)

I have been asking the Lord for wisdom cause He is the one who has great insight into her heart. He knows how to ALWAYS dicipline out of love and He ALWAYS sees the heart behind it all. I know Jada gets tired of hearing "no" and "stop" all the time so I'm trying to use positive reinforcement where possible... but that is hard sometimes when my patience is low...

She is not allowed to hit out of anger when she doesn't get what she wants (and she will get a time out for them) but how do you rightly display anger? How is she supposed to respond when she doesn't get what she really wants? I know that throwing herself on the floor is NOT okay but what is she supposed to do with all of these real feelings? She doesn't know Jesus yet so she can't talk to Him about the "injustice" she feels...so what is she supposed to do? These are the things I need insight into :)

Jada is also not a big eater. We have had to work with her to eat enough that she wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night hungry. Its been a BIG pain! We have found that making a big deal by saying yeah and clapping loudly really helps after each bite she eats, it works better than bribing with chocolate or the spoon, but again is a lot of work :) So lately I've just let her be... It seems to be working okay... If she could she would drink warm milk for every meal and snack and that's it :) but it has to be warm!

Jesus you say that if any of us lacks wisdom that all we have to do is ask and you will give it...I am asking :)

LIFE

Life isn't what it used to be

It doesn't look like I thought it would

Still trying to figure out how to love Jesus in this season

I struggle to hold onto Joy and Peace

I am WAY yuckier than I thought

I don't know "how" to be a mom

BUT

I am so glad life isn't what it used to be

I like how it now looks (most of the time :) )

I do LOVE Jesus!

Joy and Peace are my portion and I will have them!

He is transforming me cause I now ask Him to help me cause I SEE that I need it

I AM a mom

I am on a journey, I am learning to walk, I am learning...

It is slow and it is painful but I am on it and I will be changed

My hope is Him, Jesus you are my hope and I will have you

My name is Amber and I will display His colors...

Outing to the Zoo

We went to the Zoo on Saturday

 I thought that Jada might enjoy it more than she did. She had fun but maybe next time she will "get it" a little more. 

She did really like the elephants :)

Clay and Sarah came with us, it was great fun!

Jada was so tired she feel asleep on the way home, she RARELY does this... She didn't even wake up to eat lunch!

Feelings of Loneliness

I know in my head that I am not alone...I mean, come on, the Holy Sprit is dwelling IN me... Fully God, dwelling on the inside...

Staying at home with two little ones, it seems I am never physically alone...

That is not the loneliness I am talking about...

Some days it seems like no one "understands"
No one "gets me"
No one "knows all that I do"
No one "serves ME"
No one "remembers me or is thinking of me"

My husband asked me the other day if I walk around feeling like the victim... I said no but as I've been processing this...I think I do... I think it is a symptom of loneliness...

Loneliness lies to you...it traps you into thinking you got the "bad end" of the stick...
It leaves this ugly black cloud over you that sucks all the joy out of the air...

I am done allowing this cloud to hang out in my home... in my heart... and over my head...

The only way to chase this cloud away is to fellowship with the Holy Spirit! I have to talk to God, who lives in me, who sees ALL that happens in my day, who knows all my emotions, who is the Sympathetic High Priest. I am not alone, and all that I do matters, either for good or for evil... I want GOOD!

This is how I fellowship with Holy Spirit: I pray through the acronym F.E.L.L.O.W.S.H.I.P

*Fear of the Lord-I ask the Lord to increase the fear of the Lord (Ps. 86:11)
*Endurance (patience)- I ask the Lord to strengthen my sprit, that I would not quit. (Eph. 3:16)
*Love-I ask the Lord for His love (Romans 5:5)
*Light of glory- I ask the Lord for encounters with His Spirit, I want dreams and visions. (Ps. 4:6)
*One thing- I ask the Lord to give me eyes like doves, to have a single devotion for the Word (Ps. 16:8)
*Walk worthy- I ask the Lord to help me walk worthy of my highest calling (1 Thes 3:13)
*Speech-I ask the Lord to put a guard on my lips, I want to speak life and not death (Ps. 141:3)
*Humility-I ask him to let me learn to walk as He did, which means lowliness of heart. I ask for wisdom on how to carry my heart in humility (Matt 11:29)
*Insight- I ask the Lord to reveal the scriptures to me, that I would gain His heart of love that would help me to LIVE in union with him (Eph 1:17)
*Peach and Joy- (This i my FAVORITE-cause I NEED it most right now)- I ask the Lord to strengthen me with supernatural peace and joy that would overpower my anxiety. (Romans 15:13)

I go through these fairly fast unless I don't want to :)... I know that my 5 second prayers work, so I never worry about time :) and it is so simple that I can do it while I change diapers, do laundry, play with my kids, cook dinner or as I'm falling asleep... sometimes I only do one of them :)

All I know is that it works to chase away that ugly cloud of LONELINESS!

Just for fun cause I really like my kids :) 

look at those LIPS!!

Easter egg hunt :) she wasn't too interested in finding eggs as much as the swing set and the ball in the bushes :)

Giving it a go...

I've thought for a while about doing this... Not that I really have much to say... and I have a hard time with spelling and grammar... but at the same time, I want to give it a try... If nothing more than for myself to look back on and see how life was...

My life is mainly taken up by my two kids and a husband...

My life feels hard right now because of hormones from having baby #2, lack of sleep, change of schedule, feelings of loneliness, and my grass is greener syndrome...

Life will be hard until Jesus returns.

.. I am convinced it's so that I will lean into Him...

My kids aren't natural sleepers, it feels like I have to struggle to get them to sleep...I am at my weakest when I am sleep deprived...this is the place I HAVE to lean the hardest...my patience is low, my emotions go crazy...I am just plain

mean...(and I HATE IT)...

I really do enjoy my kids:

Jada says so many funny things and makes me laugh daily...she has made me enjoy life just a little bit more. She loves it when you laugh at what she is doing, she is moved more by praise than by the "spoon", if you come into a room she is in she will most likely greet you, weather she knows you or not, when she gets excited about something she jumps up and down and SCREAMS YEAAAAAAAH! She is beautiful, She is loud, and She is mine and I love her!

Justus seems to have more of a quietness about him. When he talks to you it is gentle and sweat, he smiles so easily that I can't help but try to get more, even if it is in the middle of the night :) He is a good eater-still wants to eat every 3 hours around the clock! I can't wait to learn more about him as he grows.

Jonathan is such a wonderful father, husband and friend. He is working so hard in this season of life, he has a full time job, is going to school almost full time-he is taking an EMT course, so he can be a firefighter. Only to come home and be a full time father. :) He handles me and all of my crazy emotions so well. I am not the only one who gets up in the middle of the night either...our 2 year old still wakes occasionally, especially since we have flip-flopped our schedule around lately... "life with him is half has hard and twice as good"-Sara Groves :)

Welp...thats all for now...not sure how this blog will go...maybe I will keep up with it...maybe I will delete it...who knows...